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EXPLAINING THE STIMULUS BILL

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor
and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office,
but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend
project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The
professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a
bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go
over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can."
The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then
dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally
confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and
began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow
end much deeper.

The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured
that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the
student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad.
The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and
effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over,
everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really
have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly
productive action!"

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile,
"Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...