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July 2008 Jokes: The Drunk | OL BLUE | NEVER CHOKE IN A RESTAURANT IN THE SOUTH |
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
> > stumbling back and forth.
> >
> > A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,"Can I help
> > you Sir?""Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my
> > carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was
> > your car the last time you saw it?""It wasss on
> > the end of thisshh key", the man replies.About that
> > time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener
> > hangingout of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the
> > man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing
> > yourself?"Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down
> > at his crotch and withoutmissing a beat, blurts
> > out...."Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!
> >
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A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way
through
the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'You won't believe what modern
education is developing! They actually have a program here in
Laramie
that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!'
'That's amazing,' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that
program?'
'Just send him down here with $1,000' the young cowboy says.
'I'll
get him in the course.'
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.
The
boy calls home.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing son,' his father asks.
'Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,' he says, 'but you just
won't
believe this - they've had such good results they have
started to teach the animals how to read!'
'Read!' says his father, 'No kidding! How do we get Blue in
that
program?'
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.'
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the
end of
the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor
read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all
excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
something and talk!'
'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning,
just
before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room,
kicked
back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he
usually
does.
Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still
messing'
around with that little redhead who lives in town?'
The father exclaimed, 'I hope you shot that son of a bitch
before he
talks to your Mother!'
'I sure did, Dad!'
'That's my boy!'
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer ....... And then he
went on
to become a Congressman
